


It Hurts

by wheres_peggy_tho



Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: I apologize in advance, M/M, Peggy and Angelica are good sisters, alex gets yelled at, hella angst, like John sobbing kind of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 19:45:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14859095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheres_peggy_tho/pseuds/wheres_peggy_tho
Summary: Idk why I wrote this sad shit but like Alexander needs to get his shit together because if he makes my son John cry one more time I’m kicking his ass. John deserves the fucking world fight me.





	It Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s some lovely lams angst that I just know you’ll enjoy.

“I’m just saying they need to stop swindling me like this! I asked for a ten piece chicken nugget, why the hell did I only get nine?!” Peggy yelled as she took an angry sip of her lemonade. “Pegs hun, I love you, but can you stop talking about chicken nuggets for like five seconds?” Alex laughed opening the door to Herc, Laf, and John’s dorm. They were there to pick up John then go meet the others at the movies. “You have something more important than nugs to talk about?” She asked. “Yes actually.” He said. “Doubtful but continue.” Peggy said as she walked passed him into the room. 

“Remind me why I’m with you two instead of Maria and Eliza?” Angelica asked laughing at the two. 

“Because we’re great company.” Alex told her. “Plus you wouldn’t want to third wheel their date now would you?” Peggy said as she sipped her lemonade again. “They’re with the others.” Angelica pointed out. “Doubtful. They probably snuck off somewhere to be alone.” Peggy said. Angelica nodded in agreement. “Anyway, what was it you wanted to talk about?” She asked looking to Alex. “Oh right. I’m going on another trip soon.” He looked at them to see their reactions. 

“Oh.” Was all Peggy said, “Sounds fun.” She gave a small smile. Alex, clearly not seeing they weren’t really happy with the news continued, “Yeah! We’re going to Washington state!” He told them. Peggy quickly looked down but Angelica’s face turned into what seemed to be a look of offense and shock. 

“That’s across the country Alexander.” She said sternly. Alex, shocked at both her voice and the use of his full name rushed out his words, “Well yeah, I know it’s far but it’s just–“

“You’re leaving?”

John stood in the doorway of his room, hurt and confusion showing in his face. “Again?” He added. He softly tugged on the sleeves of the sweatshirt he was wearing. Alex sighed and turned to Peggy and Angelica. “Can you give me a moment?” He asked them. They nodded and he went over to John who walked back into his room. Alex walked in after him and closed the door.

“Look John you know I hate to leave you but it’s just–“

“Alex.”

“– this is honestly such a good opportunity–“

“Alex!”

“– and yes I know I say that every time–“

“Alexander!”

Alex finally stopped talking long enough to look at John, anger now mixed in with the hurt and confusion. He walked over to him and took his hands. “Think about it Jackie. Look at how lucky we are to be alive right now with all these opportunities.” John pulled his hands away. “Isn’t this enough?” He asked. “What?” Alex asked, hiding his hurt from John not even wanting to touch him.

“You jump at every chance to leave Alexander. So I’ll ask again, isn’t this enough? Is something wrong? Are you not happy to the point you have to keep leaving?” John’s voice slightly cracked as tears threatened to fall. Alex took a step closer and put a hand on his cheek. “Jackie come on. Of course it’s enough.” 

John glared at him and turned away. “Sure doesn’t seem like it.” He took a shaky breath as the tears finally fell. “I could handle the first time. Hell, I was happy for you. Two weeks of you in D.C, no big deal. I heard from you everyday. You’d call in or text to update me, it was fine. Then the second time, you were gone for two months! I heard from you once and it wasn’t even me you messaged! And now this! You wanna leave again?! Across the country! How long will you even be gone?! Will you even bother to contact me?! It’s like I’ve just been an afterthought to you! You don’t pay attention, not just to me, to anything! Do you have any idea how much it hurts?!” 

“Well you should’ve told me this.” Alex couldn’t help but shoot back. He definitely felt terrible for hurting John but he didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just tell him this. “Why didn’t you?”

John was far past upset by now. “Because Alexander I love you more than anything!” Alex’s face softened. That was the first time he had said I love you. “I’ve been choosing your happiness over mine! Every god damn time! I just can’t fucking do it anymore! We use to go out every Saturday afternoon but now you’re always too busy! You would at least talk to me when I got back from class, now you’re always so into your work you don’t even notice when I come to your room! You ignore me Alexander! Because you’re so deep in everything but the people around you! And it’s not just me! This is the first time in months we’ve gotten you to get out and now you’re dropping the news that you’re leaving again like it’s nothing! It hurts when I wake up and you’re not next to me! It hurts when I call you and it goes to voicemail! It hurts when I text you and get little to no reply!” You could hear the hurt and strain in his voice. His face heated up and was red in anger. Tears fell down his cheeks. He hugged himself tightly, his nails digging into his arms even through the sweatshirt.

Alex, for once in his life, was speechless as a single tear made its own way down his face. “How long?” John asked as he faced away from Alex. “How long is the trip?” Alex looked down. “Five months.” He said barely above a whisper. John gave a cold laugh. “Unbelievable. Just go.” Alex took a step towards John. “Jackie please.”

“I said leave. Go on your trip. Maybe just… just don’t even bother coming back. At least not to me.” Alex drew back, not wanting to believe what he heard. He took a deep breath before storming out the room. As soon as he left John broke into sobs and fell to his knees.

Alex walked past Peggy and Angelica who were watching him with worried eyes. “Alexander.” He paused at the door and looked back at them. “Are you alright?” 

“What do you think?” With that he left. Peggy cast a worried look to her sister before hurrying after him. Angelica went to John’s room, having heard the sobs coming from inside. She kneeled next to him and cupped his face. “Hey John, look at me hun. Calm down ok, it’ll be fine.” She tried to reassure him but it wasn’t working. She pulled him into her arms and hugged him tight as he continued to cry.

“God I’m an idiot! Why did I say all of that? He hates me, I hate me! I shouldn’t have said anything!” He cried. “Hey!” Angelica pulled back from the hug slightly and held his face in her hands. “Don’t you dare say that and don’t you dare regret what you said, alright. What you said was true. He’s had no right to act the way has. Don’t ever feel bad for putting yourself first. You’ve always been one to put other people before you John, it’s who you are. You always care about them more but, you have to care for yourself also. You deserve happiness hun and someone who can give you that. If that person is Alexander then he’ll realize his mistakes, learn from them, and get his shit together. If not, then I’m sorry, but he doesn’t deserve you. Take care of yourself first sweetie.” She told him. He started to cry again and Angelica pulled him back into the hug. 

“Th-thank you Angelica.” He managed to say. “I’m a big sister it’s what I do.” She said. He gave a slight laugh and she hugged him tighter.

Peggy had managed to catch up to Alex and grabbed his arm, turning him around. “What do you want Peggy?” He asked. “To talk to you!” She sighed. “We heard you arguing.” Alex scoffed. “You mean him yelling at me.” Peggy narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t act like it wasn’t true.” Alex stared down at her. “What?”

“He’s not wrong Hamilton! You’ve been treating him like shit, us like shit!” She yelled. “You keep running off, ignoring us, canceling plans, getting so into your work that you don’t even notice us!” Alex couldn’t help but take a step back. He’s never seen Peggy mad before. “You can’t keep doing this! How’d you even know about this trip?!” He looked to the side. “I asked about it.” He answered. Peggy’s glare darkened. “So you wanted to leave.”

“What! That’s not–“

“It wasn’t a question!” Alex decided it was best to stop talking for once. “Do you know how much your behavior has affected John? How many times he’s come to me in the verge of tears or panic attacks because he hasn’t heard from you for so long, or you won’t even acknowledge his existence! When was the last time you kissed, or hell, even hugged your boyfriend?!” Alex heart sank as he realized he couldn’t answer that question. 

“Do you know what happened those two months you were in Washington?! John’s little brother died!” Alex’s eyes shot up and he looked at her. She was crying, the second person he’s made cry today. “John hadn’t seen him since school started and he died! Literally the day after you left! John was back home for weeks! It broke him! And I find out from him after he finally comes back to school that he tried calling you! Multiple times! And you didn’t answer! You texted Burr! Once! About some stupid document! That’s all we got from you till you came back! And I know for a fact John tried to talk to you once you came back because he told me! How he came to your room to tell you what happened and you couldn’t even look away from your papers for one god damn second! He left in tears and you didn’t even notice.” She may have been crying but she had so much anger in her voice and eyes that it scared Alex. She grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him down to her level. 

“You better get your fucking shit together Hamilton. I swear to god you better apologize. And if you ever hurt John again I will hurt you. If he doesn’t get to it first. Lord knows he deserves better. And if he tells you to leave him alone, you better listen.” She let him go and pushed him away. “At least you can say you made an attempt.” She threw one last disgusted look his way before walking off, leaving him there to wonder how everything turned to shit.

Angelica and Peggy took John back to their dorm. Eliza and Maria showed up later. Eliza didn’t need to be told anything to know that her honorary little brother was clearly hurt and someone was going to get their ass kicked soon. But for now, John spent the rest of the day with the girls. Shit talking men and able to feel happy with them.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow sorry this is sad. Everything was getting too happy so this angst popped into my head and well, I gotta have others suffer with me


End file.
